I revisit this primer of pain management in order to offer the contrast: I am starting to stop doing that because the pain in general is now so much more under control of the medication I am taking and in particular because yesterday I had those numbing shots in my face and they seem to have made a difference. Within about 15 minutes after the shots I was numb on my right side (a harbinger of the future) but without the ache and pain. Instinctively, I exhaled with relief and then went about the rest of the day with so much more excitement and vigor than I have been able to muster since the day before the surgery. Dr. Strominger cautioned me that these shots are not intended to last; in fact, they may not last beyond a couple of hours or days, depending on why the person is receiving them. But he also said that the shots may have a calming effect on the nerve. Say no more was my response in the chair, let's get to them!
I confess I am a little low on tolerance for any medical procedure at this stage. Needles being stuck in me seems to be all the go lately, and no masochist, I, if I never saw another one again it would be perfectly okay. The first shot pricked and stung considerably, because it was on my forehead where I still have well more than half sensation. The second one under my eye, near my nose, hurt less because the sensation is less than half there already. But the experience of not taking thought and energy to monitor and navigate pain every minute was worth every detraction. I am writing the morning of the next day, and the ache is always at its lowest ebb in the morning, so I can not say for sure how much better I will continue to feel today. I can say, however, that I woke up and was thinking about a few different things for, oh, maybe 10 ten minutes or so before I thought: my face, the nerve, the pain, where's my medication ... nothing like that, just normal life stuff. A simple change. Pain was not my first waking thought! What a gift!
While I have tried to keep up with various aspects of my life by doing some work, maintaining the house, being with the children, and, as I have reported, seeing some friends, and celebrating a wonderful wedding, I am completely behind in everything! Don't even mention C-h-r-i-s-t-m-a-s to me! So today I will attempt in short order to start to enter the season. I may run the risk the overdoing it, but it will be for a good cause. Yesterday after the doctor's appointment I stopped at the venerable "vegetable store," the name my children gave it when they were young, Ludgates (a glorified farm stand but with good quality foods), and did some shopping. Over the years I have traded small talked with a woman who works there and also at the Farmer's market. I saw her looking at the ink dots on my face, the spots where the doctor makes the injection and which I had tried to clean off before I left but they made a temporarily indelible mark. There was no one else there at the moment and so I took a breath and told her a Cliff Notes version of the story. By the end of the conversation she shared with me so much of her own life and experiences with health and family. Still not advised to carry heavy objects, I grabbed one bag and she grabbed the heavier one to take out to the car. We talked the whole way. I now have not just someone whom I recognize and to say hello, but someone whom, at least a little bit, I now know.
The Christmas season began for me in November, with so many great people giving of their time, concern, cards, notes, gifts, experiences, compassion and love to me. Gratitude has never been far from my emotions. What signals the season for me now is that I feel ready to reciprocate, to give back to each and all in any way that I can. That energy, that love and happiness for others, is the meaning of Christmas for me. Off to do shopping!
P.S. I am already working on my story, which will be my Christmas gift to readers, to be posted on Christmas Day!
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